Around this time last year, I shared an article titled “The Many Parts of You” where I talked about Ego State Therapy and Executive State Identification (ESI) and recently I was presented with an opportunity to utilise the skills I discussed in that article.
In this post, I’d like to explore a little further about how these tools can help you to create greater behavioural flexibility using the parts you have already created within yourself.
The Situation
I found myself in a very uncomfortable situation recently when co-facilitating a program. The thing was that the other person had much more experience in delivering the program than me, combined with a particular way of delivering it.
Her neural pathways were strong and thick as she delivered her portion of the program. There was not much ‘co’ in the facilitation going on and I could feel my frustration and anger states rising to the surface. Old negative thoughts began creeping in. Part of me wanted to let her have it – to yell and let her know how I felt about being excluded and made to feel inferior.
Fortunately, there was also another part of me that did not want to confront her from a place of anger and instead I chose not to express my feelings, remaining calm and waiting until I got home that day and had time to process what had occurred.
The program continued over three weeks throughout which I received texts and emails from my co-facilitator about things I could improve upon.
I quickly realised that no matter what I would do or say, she was of the type of personality to justify her behaviour and be right. Blowing up at her would not have achieved anything other than making myself look bad.
Instead, I chose to assume the state of respect whenever I responded to her which enabled me to keep my cool and maintain a level of professionalism.
The interesting outcome was that I eventually got to express how I felt ‘respectfully’ and by some grace of the universe the big bosses ask that for future programs, we deliver the two day program separately, ie her on one day and me on the other.
What is behavioural flexibility?
Michael E Ragozzino defines behavioural flexibility as the ability to shift strategies or response patterns with a change in environmental contingencies.
When we have behavioural flexibility, we are no longer a victim to our emotional reactions. Instead we have the ability to stop ourselves from instantly reacting and instead choose to react differently or not at all.
How does ESI create behavioural flexibility?
ESI is a mapping tool that enables us to better identify the behaviour of an individual by breaking it down into ‘parts’ or ‘states’.
By knowing our parts or states and their strengths and weaknesses, we can choose which state will be useful in any given situation.
In my recent situation, I was able to stop myself from communicating from a state of anger or frustration and instead choose a calm state to reflect and then a respectful state when communicating with my co-facilitator.
If you were in the exact same situation, you may have identified different parts that would have been beneficial to you and chosen a state that you deemed appropriate for the situation. Parts are completely unique to each individual so it’s about being able to find an alternative part that will give you the traits/qualities/skills that will create a more favourable outcome.
When is behavioural flexibility useful?
There are countless situations where this kind of behavioural flexibility can benefit you. A few that come to mind are:
- Urgent problems that arise
- Encounters with difficult people
- Technological changes or difficulties
- Times of stress
- Pandemics
- Economic crisis
- Break ups
- Times of scarcity
- Relationship issues
- When you tend to do negative self talk
- Times of uncertainty
Any situation where an initial emotional reaction might not get the ideal result is an ideal time to stop and use the ESI mapping tool to allow you greater flexibility in your behaviour.
Benefits of behavioural flexibility
When you create behavioural flexibility in your life, there are so many benefits to be enjoyed.
No matter your background, and sometimes with a little help through training, coaching, or consulting, some of the benefits you may experience include:
- Overcoming fear and anxiety
- Improved confidence
- More focus
- Better communication skills
- Improved problem-solving capacity
- Better relationships
- More positive self talk
- Achievement of goals
- Adaptability to change
- Reduction of stress
- Improved decision-making
- Better wellbeing
Summary
I hope this situation helps you to see how useful the ESI mapping tool and the behavioural flexibility that comes from using it can be. I know it certainly proved useful in the situation I found myself in and does so on a very regular basis.
If you’d like to know more about the ESI tool and how to use it for yourself and others, you can order my book “The Many Parts of You: Understanding the Puzzle of Your Behaviour” for a tiny price of AU$7!
Kind regards,
Jan Sky